Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I don't have a really good social life like I did for the last 3 years. I wonder what has changed over this last year. Like, what has been the main reason why I am not as social as I was last year, two years ago, or even 6 months ago??

Alot has changed over my last year even. Last year I was still trying to get over the fact that Brandon broke my heart so badly last summer. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I didn't think that anyone could or ever would love me as much as Brandon did. He was a nice guy at first. They all were. Things escalated and we got too physical WAY too fast. I felt as if I had to do those physical things with guys to be accepted. I didn't think anyone could love me for my personality, what I believed in, or what I knew. This happened for a good 6 months, not just once but many times. I had more heartbreak in that short amount of time than anyone should. There was a guy who I knew cared about me and I cared about him but he couldn't commit to being in a serious relationship with me. He came over when it was good for him. I was THAT girl. I went dancing with friends one night, met a guy, we made out, and I haven't spoken to him since. I was THAT girl. I met a guy online. We shared many likes and dislikes, went to a movie, and he was my boyfriend that night. He met my best friend and she could tell he was just using me. I was THAT girl. I was always THAT girl, you know the ones who don't do things for them or what THEY want to do but what their guy wants to do.

I see so many girls in our day who are THOSE girls and they are unhappy with where their life is going; just like I was. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and wondered if I could ever be loved again. I mean, truly cared about. Not just he loves me for my butt or tummy or eyes or the way I kiss. But loves me because I am a daughter of God who wants to be married in the temple the right way with the right guy. Because he wants me for who I am on the outside and on the inside. He sees the beauty in my smile and what I want to do with my life. So many girls are being used to be accepted by guys and they think there is no way out. Well, I'm sorry there is a way out.

My way out came in the first part of June. :) I had no idea that it would be like this but I am so in love, more than I have ever been in my entire life. I think it may have all started with losing my job at Babies R Us.

For days and weeks, I sat in my room alone wondering if things were ever going to change. No job, no boyfriend, no money... I thought all was lost. I wrote a blog post in May telling everyone who cared about me that I didn't need them controlling me anymore. I did that for acceptance from ONE guy. One guy who I thought loved me for real. I knew that when i lost my job that things were going to be different and they definately were, with everyone. I never went home because I wasn't going to let my parents control what I was doing. I blew off Jenny numerous times because I knew she would tell me to stop hanging out with this guy. So I would go to him, looking for something but getting nothing. He had been divorced for 2 months so he didn't want to commit to me, he just wanted me there for the action. I was THAT girl. That was the girl who I have grown to hate. I basically told my family and friends to go to hell, and that I didn't care what they had to say, because I was "happy" with my life. Does that sound happy to you? Driving an hour to be played with? With nothing in return? Well, I wasn't. I know that now.

More than ever I wish I could take back some of the things I did and said, but I don't want to take back that experience. I wouldn't have known what a blessing my family and Jenny is. I wouldn't be writing this blog post now telling you that I know now that I AM the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have a man who loves me for who I am on the outside and the inside. I have a man who supports me and is proud of the woman I have become and am becoming. I have a man, even though he is miles and miles away, I know he loves me so much and he tells me alot. I will never go back to being THAT girl. I am now THIS girl and I'm lovin' it! :)