My Past 2 weeks and my next 2 weeks...

Chris FINALLY came back to Utah December 10th! His plane was late. I guess there was another smaller plane on the runway so they had to loop around the airport till that moved. I had to wait 45 minutes for him. I was nervous he wasn't going to show but I'm really glad he did. That day we went to see the movie 2012. It was long, boring, and the effects weren't as good as they could have been. That night we went to the Olive Garden with Jenny and her boyfriend Chad. It was good to see Jenny again because it had been a while since she had finals. I'm really happy she came. After dinner we went and walked around the mall. The mall was closing so we left. Chris and I went to Wal Mart. We then went back to my apartment and I had a shower and we watched TV till we fell asleep.

The next morning was my BIRTHDAY!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!! We went down to my mom's and had a lot of fun there. Mom made Taco Soup! It was really good!!!! The next day we went to my grandpa's house to celebrate his birthday with him. He turned 80!!!! My mom does a tradition with the kids that when they turn 3, she takes them to Build a Bear so they can make their own animal. Chris got a new hoodie, which looks really nice on him.

WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK!!!! Yep, thats how that week went. Last Saturday we went to see the lights at Temple Square. It was really crowded but the lights were pretty.

I can't wait to go home this week for Christmas! I am so happy that Chris is here! We've been staying with Bobbie and Ryan and it has been alot of fun. I dont know how Chris feels about it while I am gone to work, he says he gets bored alot but he brought his laptop and has a game that he has been playing, so I hope he doesnt get too bored without me there.

I'll be in Canada in 2 weeks!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! I'm nervous and excited!!! But more nervous, I've never been on a plane so I am really scared but I cant wait to meet his family and friends.

Tagged!

5 Things I dont leave the house without:
1. Cell phone
2. Keys
3. Wallet
4. Jacket
5. Shoes

5 Cartoons I watched when I was younger:
1. Barney
2. Lamb Chops
3. Care Bears
4. Spongebob Squarepants
5. Teletubbies

5 Things that terrify me:
1. Being high on ladders.
2. Dying young.
3. Getting in a car accident.
4. The dark.
5. Big barking dogs.

5 things that I dislike that everyone else seems to like:
1. Popcorn
2. Oranges/Orange Juice
3. Baths.
4. Cats.
5. Making my bed.

5 Things I want to do before I die.
1. Go out of the United States (Yep, doing that January 4th)
2. Go to Disneyland.
3. Meet a celebrity.
4. Get married in the temple.
5. Make a big difference in someone's life.

5 People I tag to post this on their blogs:
1. JENNY OSTLER
2. BOBBIE MURPHY
3. JENNIE STANWORTH
4. LEAH MILLER
5. CHRIS VANDERKOOI

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Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I don't have a really good social life like I did for the last 3 years. I wonder what has changed over this last year. Like, what has been the main reason why I am not as social as I was last year, two years ago, or even 6 months ago??

Alot has changed over my last year even. Last year I was still trying to get over the fact that Brandon broke my heart so badly last summer. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I didn't think that anyone could or ever would love me as much as Brandon did. He was a nice guy at first. They all were. Things escalated and we got too physical WAY too fast. I felt as if I had to do those physical things with guys to be accepted. I didn't think anyone could love me for my personality, what I believed in, or what I knew. This happened for a good 6 months, not just once but many times. I had more heartbreak in that short amount of time than anyone should. There was a guy who I knew cared about me and I cared about him but he couldn't commit to being in a serious relationship with me. He came over when it was good for him. I was THAT girl. I went dancing with friends one night, met a guy, we made out, and I haven't spoken to him since. I was THAT girl. I met a guy online. We shared many likes and dislikes, went to a movie, and he was my boyfriend that night. He met my best friend and she could tell he was just using me. I was THAT girl. I was always THAT girl, you know the ones who don't do things for them or what THEY want to do but what their guy wants to do.

I see so many girls in our day who are THOSE girls and they are unhappy with where their life is going; just like I was. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and wondered if I could ever be loved again. I mean, truly cared about. Not just he loves me for my butt or tummy or eyes or the way I kiss. But loves me because I am a daughter of God who wants to be married in the temple the right way with the right guy. Because he wants me for who I am on the outside and on the inside. He sees the beauty in my smile and what I want to do with my life. So many girls are being used to be accepted by guys and they think there is no way out. Well, I'm sorry there is a way out.

My way out came in the first part of June. :) I had no idea that it would be like this but I am so in love, more than I have ever been in my entire life. I think it may have all started with losing my job at Babies R Us.

For days and weeks, I sat in my room alone wondering if things were ever going to change. No job, no boyfriend, no money... I thought all was lost. I wrote a blog post in May telling everyone who cared about me that I didn't need them controlling me anymore. I did that for acceptance from ONE guy. One guy who I thought loved me for real. I knew that when i lost my job that things were going to be different and they definately were, with everyone. I never went home because I wasn't going to let my parents control what I was doing. I blew off Jenny numerous times because I knew she would tell me to stop hanging out with this guy. So I would go to him, looking for something but getting nothing. He had been divorced for 2 months so he didn't want to commit to me, he just wanted me there for the action. I was THAT girl. That was the girl who I have grown to hate. I basically told my family and friends to go to hell, and that I didn't care what they had to say, because I was "happy" with my life. Does that sound happy to you? Driving an hour to be played with? With nothing in return? Well, I wasn't. I know that now.

More than ever I wish I could take back some of the things I did and said, but I don't want to take back that experience. I wouldn't have known what a blessing my family and Jenny is. I wouldn't be writing this blog post now telling you that I know now that I AM the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have a man who loves me for who I am on the outside and the inside. I have a man who supports me and is proud of the woman I have become and am becoming. I have a man, even though he is miles and miles away, I know he loves me so much and he tells me alot. I will never go back to being THAT girl. I am now THIS girl and I'm lovin' it! :)

My Past Week.

So this last week at work we got to dress up so I dressed up every day I worked.

Monday-Jack O Lantern
Tuesday- Cowgirl w/ Freckles.

I had Wednesday off and went to Institute that night. We had a great lesson about Effective Communication.
Thursday- Twister

Friday- Baby! :D

Saturday I went Trick O Treating with Jennie and her kids. We went to a few of Jennie friends and family members that lived in Delta then we went up to mom's and trick o treated there. Kolby and Kord were there too. We had a lot of fun going to different houses and saying "Trick O Treat". One of JD's uncles gave out Capri Sun's! The kids sure loved that!

I booked my plane ticket last night so its all official and stuff!!!! I just need the day to come now!!!! HURRY UP JANUARY 4th 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fun Ruiner....

If you follow Chris and I's blog (eeandcv.blogspot.com) then you would already know the news, I got my passport last night!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!! I wish work wasn't in my way cause I would be *IN* Canada right now with my amazing boyfriend!!!!! But I am going on January 4th-January 11th, for sure!!!! I'm pretty excited cause we will be going to the Edmonton Mall and I will get to meet alot of his close friends and his family as well. His dad is really excited to meet me and I am really excited to meet them all as well. Its going to be a really different thing for me because I've never been out of the country first off, and I've never been on an airplane. So I'm freaking out about that but Chris assures me that I will be fine and that I shouldn't be nervous or scared.

I really do love Chris and all that he's done for me. He really is such an example and always knows how to make my day and make me smile. I love him more than anything in this world. He has shown me how to be loyal, kind, and honest to people around me. I've become less tempered having him around. Things have definately changed since I have met him and I know that me meeting him is all for my benefit and the best for me. He is one of my best friends and I tell him everything. He knows me better than I know myself. I am grateful and I thank God all the time for sending him here to be with me, and to stay with me. :) It gives me chills but I know that its true, and I know that the Lord will continue to bless us in all that we do if it is according to his will.

Halloween Week!!!

So next Saturday is Halloween, for the whole week at work we can dress up!!! Pretty cool, right? However I only have one costume (I left all the ones I WAS going to use at mom's), so I'm pretty stretched for time AND money but want to have a different costume the entire week. If anyone has any ideas, could they please let me know ASAP!!! I have to be able to work in it, no masks, and kid appropriate. We cant just wear jeans and call it a costume either, it has to be a legit costume. I work 4 days next week so if you could give me some ideas, that would be awesome. I cant just go to the store and buy 3 other costumes, I could buy something cheap but I dont know. THANKS EVERYONE!!!!!!

(if anyone actually reads my blog anymore....) :(

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the time off on January 4th- January 11th. :) So YAY!!!!! I cannot wait to go!!!! AH!!!!!! I was so happy when I found out I got the time off!!!!! YAY!!!!! :) :) :)

The Latest....

I put in my passport a week ago today!!!! I talked to work and they said I couldn't have time off to go up there as soon as my passport comes (November). So we've decided I would go up after Christmas. :)

But.. even better news, Chris says he is going to come on December 10th and stay until December 29th and WE will go back to Canada TOGETHER! My first time on a plane and I will actually be leaving with him this time!!!! But two weeks after, he will have to say goodbye to me, and see how hard it really is!! As most or ALL of you know, my birthday is December 11, so I get to have my boyfriend here for my birthday AND Christmas!!! I'm so freaking excited!!!! YAY!!!!

This means we will be with each other for a month, straight! Of course, I will be working alot in between those days that he is here but I don't really care. I worked alot when he was here last time, so I will just work my butt off. This is all up in the air still, we still dont know how long I can stay and I haven't really told my parents about the cost of the plane ticket yet, since they will be paying for most of it, which that will be my Christmas present from them to me. :)

YAY! I'll keep ya'll posted if things change!!! :)

Loveya!

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I submitted my passport TODAY!!!!! 3-4 weeks till I'm going to Canada!!!!! If things go the way I'd like them to, I will be leaving November 12th!!!! But as we all know when we make plans, they could all change. But I just felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I submitted my papers. The only thing is it was a little more expensive than I thought. $101.10 which still isn't bad because the passport is good for 10 years!!!!! I can't believe this is all happening so good and will be a lot faster. I've never been on a plane so I am very nervous and scared about that but I know I will do fine. Chris has talked me through the airport thing many times so I kinda know what I'm going to expect. I've been looking at flights and I'm looking at about $500! Not bad!!! Still need to discuss it with my parents though cause I know for a good fact I won't be able to afford to pay the full $500!!! Anyways, I'm just so excited!!!! YAY!!!! I'll keep ya'll posted and updated more!!!! Loveya!

Conference!!!!

Alright! It's that time of year again!!! We just had conference this past weekend and can I just tell you that I loved it? Of course, I didn't pay alot of attention since my ENTIRE family was at my mom's. Yep, all of us. That never usually happens but it was really good to be with my brothers and sisters and their families. And even better Chris was here so I was just a happy little camper all weekend.

In between the Saturday morning session and the Saturday afternoon session, JD, Chris, Matt, Hiett, and I went below town and went shooting clay pigeons. That was really fun. That night while the boys were at the Priesthood session, I did alot of scrapbook pages in my 6x6 book that mom got for me. I actually finished it and may post some of the pics of my favorite pages but we'll see. I dont want this turning into a scrapbooking blog. ;)

Sunday was fun. More conference and more good food. I always love going to my mom's cause I can tell her exactly what I want as far as meals and she can make it for me. It was Bobbie's husband Ryan's birthday that day so we had his favorite food. (chicken strips, dutch oven potatoes, and pot luck salads from the day before) Mom made a yummy mint chocolate cake as well.

Monday was a hard day for me. I had to take Chris back to the airport. :( We both cried alot but we know we will see each other soon. I'm submitting my passport papers in either today or this next week depending on how it goes. I really want to go up to meet his friends and family. I know they can't wait to meet me too.

Just a little update for ya'll. I'm working at Michaels now if you didn't already know. I love it. Things are starting to get stressful with the holidays coming up and not being able to take time off for 2 months but I love that I know I'm going to have a full work week for 2 months. Wednesday nights I am taking an Institute class with my best friend Jenny. We are taking Dating and Courtship and I love it. I'm learning so much more about the church and I am just loving all of it. My amazing boyfriend Chris is still amazing and I still love him more than anything in this world. We are taking the steps and measures we can to be good people and yes, marriage is in our daily talk BUT it is far into the future so dont be getting ready to come to a wedding for me just yet. I have the best friend in the entire world who I love so much. We don't get to hang out as much as I'd like to because our schedules are completely opposite but when we do it is sure fun. We talk/text every day and I dont know what I would do without Jenny in my life right now. She has been such a strength to me and I just love how I can be myself around her and she brings out the best in me. I love my family and its only getting bigger. Tiff and Ryan are going to have their 2nd on TUESDAY! I am so excited for him to come. I bet he will look a lot like Kolby! :D

This is long enough for now but thanks to those who read and follow my blog. I enjoy writing. I just need to update more on a regular basis. But I will. I just need some motivation.

foto's.. <3

My friend Val needed models so I told her Chris and I would so here are some. More on Facebook or you can ask me and I can show them to you as well. They turned out WAY cute!!!!! Thanks again Val!!!!! We love them all!!!!!

CAN'T WAIT!!!!

So, some of you may already know this but some of you may not but Chris is coming out this weekend and staying for not just a weekend but for 18 days!!!! Could I be any more happy?? I really dont think so. He'll be staying at Bobbie and Ryan's cause the rules at my apartment clearly state that I cant house a person of the opposite sex. Plus, it will keep us on our fast track to always doing what's right!!! I can't wait for him to be here closer to me and around me alot more. I'll be able to see how he is on a daily basis and just get to know him a lot more!!!

Things have just been falling into place ever since Chris and I have been talking. I was out of a job for a week or so before we started talking then I got the job at Michaels a month after that. Then I finally met Chris and things just started to get better and better. I've been trying to go back to church and read my scriptures and do all I can to be a better person.

I love Chris so much and I'm so happy he will be here longer than just a weekend. I'll keep you all updated!!! ;)

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On Rattlesnake Rapids... reaaally cold!!! Playing in the Fountain at Lagoon!

Right before I kicked everyone's trash on the Go-Karts!!!


Chris in his pink car.... :P

Skerrd to ride Wild Mouse.

This trip we went to Lagoon!!! We had a lot of fun. We only rode one roller coaster which was the Wild Mouse. But that was okay. We went on a Friday so all the lines were pretty huge. We rode on the big tall ferris wheel... remind me to never do that again. I didnt think I was that afraid of heights but then I got on that and freeeeaked out. Good thing Chris was there to calm me down. We rode the Go-Karts which was alot of fun, sat and talked, ate Taco's for lunch, and had dip n dots ice cream later. It was a really fun day.

The next day we went to the movie 500 Days of Summer. I really liked that movie alot!!! Later in the afternoon we went to Jenny's pool party. We didnt bring suits but ended up jumping in with all of our clothes on. Chris even had his socks on. Silly boy!! We played Marco Polo and splashed for a bit then went to Bobbie's house and ate yummy chicken enchiladas. After that, we played with Kaylin, watched some tennis, and ate ice cream for dessert. Later that night, we drove home to Oak City and stayed up most of the night just talking. It was really great. Sunday there was no church due to the Oquirrh Temple being dedicated so we relaxed and played with the kids for the day. Mom made a roast and it was sure good. Everyone left so we hung out with Matt and then went to bed. Monday morning we left kinda early to take him back to the airport. I was really sad sending him back this time cause I didnt know when he was going to be coming back. BUT... I do now!!! Sept 18! :)

I'm so grateful to have Chris in my life. He brings so much happiness to my heart and I love him more than anything in the world. He's an amazing man who knows how to make me smile. I cant believe its been almost 3 months since we started talking and we already know all about each other. We're going on our 4th week of seriously dating and its going great. I cant wait to spend more weeks talking to him. He's my best friend and I dont know what I would do without him.

I'm going in those doors someday!

The Temple at sunset is really pretty!!!

At the Joseph Smith Memorial Building

Yes, we went to Temple Square again! It was a lot of fun walking around with him again. We took alot more pics of us this trip cause we werent all awkward and shy like last time. This time we went to the top of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building which was really cool.

Later that night we went to see District 9! It was a really bloody gruesome movie and I didnt particularly like that, but Chris wanted to see it so we went.

Pics From The Last Post Cause The Pics Uploader Thing Wouldn't Work...

Chris First Visit Part Three. Lunch. Movie. Oak City

This picture was taken at Costa Vida by Jenny. I dont really like my face but look how hot Chris looks!!!! :) That's how it was most of his trip, I couldn't take my eyes off of him and he couldn't take his eyes off of me.

After lunch we took Jenny back to Alpine and then Chris and I went to see G.I. Joes. I LOVED it!!!! Chris thought it was 'alright'. He's more into movies than I am so he's seen alot more with better graphics/special effects bla bla bla.... anyways, I loved it!!! :)

Then after the movie we drove the long trecherous roads to Oak City. Dinner was ready when we got there and so was Mom, Dad, Ryan, Tiff, and Kolby. Chris met everyone and we ate Hawaiian Haystacks. I noticed Chris talking to my family and wanting to get to know them. I really loved that. Kolby wanted to go outside so we all went outside but my parents only have 4 chairs, so Chris and I took the hammock. It was a lot of fun trying to get balanced in it. We only fell out once. :) Matt got home from work so Chris and Matt were talking and they gamed for a bit. Later, Chris and I went back outside and looked at the stars. It was so nice to be there and be holding his hand and cuddling with him. We shared our first kiss together in that hammock. It was really nice. I LOOOOOVE kissing him!

The next day, we went riding with Matt and some of his friends on the dunes. It was Chris' first time on a 4 wheeler.. dont worry I took it slow for him. We had a lot of fun riding but then went back to the house and played with Madelyn, Hiett, and CJ who showed up a few minutes before we went riding. Later in the afternoon, Chris and I took Mad and Hi to the park. We played a few games with them, pushed them in the swings and went down the slide a few times. I had alot of fun. We went back home and Jennie and JD were almost back. We had quesidilla's for dinner and they were really good. Chris and I stayed home Saturday night and watched the Curious Case of Benjamin Button with my parents.

The next day we went to Sacrament together. Held hands the whole time. Mom told me later that people came up to her asking who the boy was that I had brought home. Guess people notice that kind of thing. :S After sacrament, we packed up and I took him to the airport. That may have been the saddest thing hugging him in the airport. I cried for a few minutes after he left. BUT.... he's coming back today!!! YAY!!!! So I'll be sure to blog about this weekend too, and maybe put up more pics on Facebook.

I love Chris and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. He is 15 hours away but I know that he loves me as if he were 15 minutes away. I can't wait to spend more time with him this weekend and I am so lucky to have someone who loves and cares about me. I am really happy and content with my life and where it is going. THANK GOODNESS!!!! It's about time!!! :)

Chris First Visit Part Two. Temple Square!!

Have you ever tried parking at Temple Square? I wouldn't recommend it. We had alot of trouble finding a place close AND we had to get cash to park there, which if you know me I dont carry loose cash around, and I dont think they would take Canadian money. :) Anyways, so we get to Temple Square and it is just absolutely gorgeous. Chris and Jenny looked like such tourists snapping pictures. They both got some good ones. We decided to go to the top of the Church Office Building, which was really cool. You could see the whole Salt Lake Valley. Then we went to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. I didn't know that building used to be a hotel one day. I guess you learn new things everyday!!! We decided to go into the North Visitors Center where they have alot of pictures of the Savior and the big statue of the Savior is in there as well. We also went on a small tour about families there as well. One of the missionaries had a really thick southern accent, she was from North Carolina. Then we got hungry so we went to the Gateway Mall to eat at Costa Vida.

Chris First Visit Part One... The Airport!

Sorry it has taken me so long to blog about Chris' first trip, I've been working nonstop and havent really had time to sit because I've been cleaning the apartment for my new roomates to move in, in my spare time. Now I've got some time, I'll blog about his first trip.

I was really nervous to get him. I had all these feelings of, 'What if he doesn't like me?', 'What if I embarrass myself and he doesn't wanna be seen with me?', 'What if I don't like him?' Finally the day came and the night before I woke up every hour cause I was so nervous/excited for him to be here. I got up and got ready for him to come. I thought I looked good, didnt have my contacts but I thought I still looked good. I took off and picked up Jenny. The entire drive up she was psyching me out and making me even more nervous. We went to her work first and I took a tour of that. Finally, we were off to the airport to get him. He called right as we were pulling in. He got there before we did!!!! He said he would just wait in the bag claim till we got there. I parked the car and we went in the airport. As we were going down the stairs, Jenny was like, 'Em, what if he's that guy! Or that guy!!! He's like a mile away from you!!!' Got so nervous. Finally we saw him. He looked so chill and I felt like such a spaz. My heart actually jumped when I first saw him. I went over tapped him and said 'Hey!' Thinking to myself, 'What, no hey good lookin? Hey Chris? Just hey!' But thats all that needed to be said. Jenny stood close by as we had our first awkward hug, it was only awkward because he had his backpack on. :) So then we walked out to the car and went to Temple Square.

Yep! 5 Days!

HAHA!!! Chris is coming in 5 days! Well... technically 4 cause he'll be here early on the 7th! Can't even tell you how nervous/excited I am! We're going to have a good time! Trust me, I'll be blogging about it and taking lots of pics of us for Facebook as well. I am just so happy that I have found someone who really makes me happy. He's so nice to me and I don't know what I would do without him. Ok, Emily breathe!! I'm so nervous! Ah!

UPDATE, The Better One!

Ok, so the last update on me sucked. Sooo..... you get another one. This one is more updated I guess from like 2 days ago cause alot has happened to me in just 2 days.

I went to work on Thursday. Had a long shift and did cashier training then was thrown on a register. THANK GOODNESS I worked at Babies R Us, so I knew how to run a register, cause it was pretty hard. It was a lot of getting used to but after about a constant hour of ringing people up I got it down pat. After that they had me put out some stickers and that went by pretty fast cause before I knew it, I was going on my lunch. When I came back from my lunch, I did recovery which was to find things that were out of place and put them back in their place. Then we did returns and then it was time to go home.

Had work on Friday, got there and helped another new girl put out some fall candles and then later got my own project of putting out some other candles on another aisle. That took me about 3 hours to do, then I went on my lunch and came back and did another project, recovery, returns, then home. I really like it there, its going to take some getting used to but I do like it. I have a full work week next week with almost 30 hours so that will be good.

Chris is coming earlier than expected!!!! YAY!!!! He's coming in 13 days. So August 7!!!! YAY! He's on a direct flight from Calgary to SLC and will get here pretty fast (only a 2 hour flight). We've decided to go to Temple Square and check stuff out there. Then we're going to my parents and spending the weekend down there. Then Sunday he leaves. :( But then he's coming back on the 21st again!!!

So thats what I'm basically doing, Working and talking to Chris. :) Things are going better than they were. My car has been acting up so I've been using my mom's car. Lets hope it can get fixed. Jenny has been busy so our schedules have been kinda mixed up and we haven't been able to hang out much but I still always want to. Guess we'll figure something out, right?

I love my life right now and how I know I want to change to be a better person and do whats right and hang out with the right people. But things are going good. :)

Complete 180

Lets hope I can do this. I'm trying to live my life a little bit differently than I have the last year. I am 21. It's time to grow up, right?? I got the job at Michaels. (Thank goodness!) I've moved home for awhile, been here about 2 weeks now. I love being here and closer to the other kids. I still have gotten to see Kaylin too but not as much but I've been playing with Kolby, Mad, Hi, and Caleb alot more. Which is good for them. They haven't got to see me that much. I've realized that being home and always around family is good. I'm not sucked into the ways of the world and I'm more at peace. I love that.

So I'll be working at Michaels part time, and might still keep trying at Albertsons and maybe work 2 jobs for a while. We'll see what happens. It will be good to have something to do besides sitting on the computer or watching TV all the time, then I can have money for me to play around with again.

I've met a guy... HAHA... Things kinda ended suddenly with Dave but its for the best. He was supportive of my decision which was good. Anyways, back to new guy... I guess I technically havent *met* him, we've started talking online. Our relationship has blossomed into something great. He's called me every night since we've talked and we talk online alot still as well. Only sad thing is, he lives in Canada! At the end of June he put in for his passport and just this last Monday we had, he got it!!! Finally, he can come meet me!!! But he's not coming till the middle of August! :( A whole other month before I get to see him??? What am I going to do??? HAHA! We will still talk every night and still miss each other like we do. I'll try to keep you posted on me and what I'm doing alot more. I always get after my sisters for not updating as much just cause I want to see pictures/videos and stories of the kids more often.

My life is just starting to turn around and be better. I have a good job, a great family, awesome friends, amazing guy, and my loving most perfect Heavenly Father behind me. I want to change this time! I dont want to ruin anything I have anymore! I WILL BE HAPPY! Someday...

Life has been tough this last month.... time for an update!!!

WELL...... the last month I had was a crazy one!!! On the first day of June, I got fired from Babies R Us. It was a hard thing for me and I've been jobless ever since. I tried looking for jobs but didn't really try looking hard enough. Today, I got the motivation I needed, my mom threatening to take away two of my most favorite things...cell phone and her car back. I was devasatated. Never had I thought in one day I could have lost it all. From this day forward I have to prove to her that I CAN and WILL get a job and she WILL be proud of me again. I prayed alot today too which that hasn't been on my top priority list either but I prayed and I asked Heavenly Father to let something happen to get me to get a job. About an hour later, I got a call from Michaels and have an interview set up for tomorrow at 3pm! I applied at 7 different places today which include, Wal Mart, Shopko, Aeropostale, The Childrens Place, Motherhood Maternity, Archivers (scrapbooking store), and Deseret Book. All fun places to work!!! So if any one of these called me back I would gladly take them. Lots of tears have been shed today but my main goal is to make her happy and proud of me again. I don't need friends or any BOY (which that gets me in my most trouble anyways) to make me happy just as long as she is completely happy with what I am doing that is all that matters to me right now. I know she will read this and probably still have some steam coming out of her ears but I still love her and I want her to know how lucky I am to have a mother like her. Who wants nothing more than for me to succeed and be happy. And I want nothing more than to do that for her. I love her more than anything in this world and want her to be proud of me. I can't say that enough but I so do! For the last year she has put up with ALOT of my crap, and I never once stopped to thank her for being by my side helping me become a better woman. She is my hero and my best friend. A true woman of faith, virtue, knowledge, divine nature, good works, integrity, self worth, love, charity, and most of all her testimony. I'm crying as I type this because if you all knew how much she has gone through you would have given up on me a long time ago, but she never did and I hope she never will. MOM, I want to be your little girl. I want you to see the light I had in my eyes back. I want you to be proud of me and I want you to be involved in my life. I've messed up big time but I want you to know that I am so sorry for ever hurting you or disappointing you in any way. I'm gonna grow up now, ok? I'm 21 years old, its about damn time I do. Thanks for opening my eyes to see what a screw up I've been this last month. I'm gonna rock that interview tomorrow. :)

JENNY LYNN OSTLER... MY BEST FRIEND!

Well, here I go again blogging. I thought a few months back that I blogged about Leah Miller one of my best friends that I should blog about Jenny, my other best friend. Here we go, J.O. this is for you! By the way, I went and took all of these pics from my tagged pictures on Facebook, went and edited them on picnik.com, and then posted them all on here. These are just all of the many pics and many faces and adventures that Jenny and I went on. And all the songs are songs we have listened to in the car or at her house and just aren't as fun to listen to with other people. Its a pretty random playlist but I decided to put them on here. Have fun!

Shotgun Shooting with friends!

Jenny really brings out the best in me! I mean, by this goofy smile I'm sporting, you can tell we always have a good time. One of my best and favorite memories was playing Phase 10. I always went to her apartment with my game on but she always beat me. Guess she was "more lucky" or just a good player. But I loved going there and playing Phase 10 and just laughing and talking about our eventful days or sometimes uneventful. I always know that I can have a good laugh whenever we are together.

Isn't she beautiful?

This picture is one of Jenny's favorites. It always makes me laugh when I see it. She is a goofball at times. WELL... lets introduce you all to JENNY LYNN OSTLER if you don't know who she is. Jenny is from Alpine, Utah where she currently lives until the fall where she will move back to Provo to go back to her second year at UVU, still studying Psychology. She works at a place in Salt Lake City called OKManufacturing. She has 4 sisters and 3 brothers. She is 3rd in line and is a good example to her younger siblings. She graduated from Lone Peak High School in 2008. She has a lot of friends and people really dig her bubbly outgoing personality. She is honest and caring and would give her life for anyone. I love her oh so much!

Dancin' on tables was always a good time!

Throwing the Deuces!

I'm Ben. She's Jerry. We are a team. We go together like PB&J. Our personalities are so similar but different. I think that's how we get along so good. I can be myself when I am with Jenny. She brings out this side to me that I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not when I am with her. Who wouldn't want a friend like that?

Just Being Silly!

4-Wheeling in Oak City! Yes, she came to Oak City. She surprisingly LOVED it! I mean who wouldn't? :D

Jenny, J.O., JenJen, Jerry, J to the O, I love you girly! I know I haven't been the best of example to you the past few weeks but I just want to let you know that I love you and I care about you more than you even know. You've taught me more about myself than I would have ever known about myself. Thank you for always being there for me and showing that you care about me. I couldn't ask for a better best friend and I am so glad I have you to help lift me up and make me smile. You're the best Jenny O!

Remembering...It is Memorial Day after all....

For the past few weeks, I've reflected on my life and what I've done to make me who I am today; and when I die that the people I want will remember what a good person I was because of the choices I made. Today was a good day to think about those who've made a legacy for me to live up to and also just a day to remember those who passed on that I once cared about so much.

I thought a lot about my grandparents. I didn't get to know my grandpa Christensen very well because he died when I was only 5 years old but I know that he was a great man and loved his family very much. My grandma Christensen passed away a week after my 18th birthday. I have many memories of her and keep them close to my heart. She loved to quilt and has made me a lot of quilts throughout my lifetime. She had the kind of attitude that you always wanted to be around and always had a good story to tell or wanted to hear a good story so she could tell someone else. I love and miss them both dearly.

One person that has stuck out a lot in my mind today that I just cant get out of my head is my ex boyfriend Craig. Craig died on February 4, 2009. He was battling addictions and just couldn't be saved. I had a lot of firsts with Craig and as much as it didn't end so good, I sometimes miss all the fun times we had together. I remember our first date, he took me to see Baby Mama at the theater. I remember he was so shy that he didn't hold my hand until about 15 minutes left in the show. We continued the date at my apartment and watched Bourne Ultimatum. The next day he was my boyfriend and I was really happy about that. We dated for about 4 weeks and I decided I needed a better guy. So I told him I never wanted to see or talk to him ever again. He agreed and as bad as it sounds I got my wish. Sometimes, now I wish I could have been there for him and been a better example but other times I know that he is in a better place. He had a good heart and I know would give it to anyone if they asked for it. His smile lit up a room and he knew how to make me laugh.

I hope that one day when I've passed on that those who knew me are happy they did and those who didn't wish they did. I live my life one day at a time and see many trials but I'm learning to be big and make big decisions. A smile goes a long way and this whole getting up an hour early to do hair and put on makeup thing has boosted more confidence in myself than anyone could imagine. Or maybe cause when I do get ready I have a hot guy telling me I look beautiful but still. I'm the most happy I've been in a LONG time. And I don't want it to stop. MY LIFE ROCKS!

Wont Let You...

With that, I've felt like I've been this case that everyone wants to work on and help out. If my life wasn't bad enough I have you on my case wanting to know every detail and then trying to help. What I hate more than someone saying "they completely understand and know what I'm going through" is someone who thinks they can help by controlling what I do and how I live my life. I've gone through all of this before with people trying to control my life so that I do all I can to be how they want me to be so I can fit in with them, and I'm not about to do that all again. Like it or not, I am who I am and don't want to be changed to be like you and don't especially appreciate these trips of guilt I've been put on. I do listen to everything you've said to me and all the advice and your insights on things, but you can't change me. I can't be like you so stop trying to convert me to be like you. I haven't completely given up on myself as much as you think I have. I'm not selling myself short or settling, I'm TRYING! Is that so bad? To try to find out who I am and why I'm here and what I'm doing with my life? Is there something so horrible with that, that you can't grasp or understand? Of course I'm going to have my struggles and heartache but thats something we all go through at one point in our lives. I haven't lost faith in what I believe in, if I did I wouldn't be trying and going to church every Sunday I can. At least I have that. I've lost a lot of things but no one can take away my faith and what I know to be true. Can't you just understand that I need to experience things on my own and make those mistakes for myself? I'm the one doing the action and I will be the one reaping the consequences later on. I've kept this in for so long and I wont let you think you can control me anymore. You DON'T understand what I'm going through, you're not in my shoes so stop pretending to be. Let me find out who I am and then love me for who I am and stop trying to change who I am and what I do. You say you'll love me for whatever decisions I make but when I make the one that YOU don't like I feel like your love only decreases and I become that psychology case. No one wants to feel like they are some sort of "case" to their friends. I want to be myself and have you love me for who I am and what I'm trying to do. I'll figure it out someday. I have the faith that I will and so should you. Quit thinking I'm going to change overnight, this life isn't easy, I'm figuring that out more and more everyday but things only become lighter when I'm myself and doing what I love doing. Is that so wrong? I don't think so.

UPDATE!

Hey! I'm updating my blog cause Mom has been hounding me to update! So I'll update you on whats happened the last few weeks and what's going to happen in the weeks to come.

Last weekend, we had family pictures. I think they turned out good. Dad and Mom wanted to do them outside but the sky had a mind of its own and decided to dump water all over the state of Utah that day. Luckily, the cheerleaders at the high school had their fundraiser which was family pictures (how ironic). So we go in and they had an opening to we had 10 big people and 5 little people get their picture taken in white shirts and jeans.

I've been going home a lot lately because of conference, Easter, and mission homecomings. Its been nice to be home and stay more than one day. My parents and my relationship has become stronger and I feel like I can be more honest with them and not hold back like I had been.

For the last two weeks on Fridays-Tuesdays, I've been staying up WAY past my bedtime. 'Did Em get a new job is that why she's been staying up so late', you ask? HAHA no, that would be a miracle haha. But I've been talking with this great guy that I met online. That is the time he works and pretty much the only time he can really talk. So every night starting at 11pm, I am on Facebook chat well into the night. There have only been 2 times in the whole 2 weeks that I've stayed up his entire shift talking to him. (Shift ends at 7am) But so Dave and I have established that we like each other and things are going great. Who knows where this relationship will take us but we both are still in the "getting to know you" phase so thats just what I intend to do.

The next few weeks are going to be spend working my butt off to get money saved for summer. I plan on going on a lot of trips with Dave and other friends so I'll need that money to play. I'm moving to Village on the Parkway this Thursday, in two days, and dont have a lot packed! My roomates have told me they are leaving but they haven't started to pack. Let's hope I can get all or most of it packed tonight and tomorrow and work and hang out with Jenny and Dave inbetween it all too. BUSY BUSY! But I love it!

Is that a good update Mom? :D

Time For A Change...

Well... Obama has promised this for a while and I'm not seeing anything so I'm stepping up to the plate and making my own changes. Are they good for me? Do I know if I will be happy? I dont know, but I need some sort of change right now.

First of all, I'm MOVING!!!! Ok, not too far, just across the street to another apartment complex called Village on the Parkway. They've told me that the ward is better over there and the bishop is AWESOME! I have big expectations so we'll see if this is a better or a worse change for me. I've lived here for a really long time and feel like I need this change. I have about 3 weeks to pack and be out of here too. Looking around seeing how much stuff I have, I wonder how much of it will fit in my cavelier. We'll see in about 20 days! :)

Still looking for a job! How long have I been doing this now? 4 months, 5? 6? I dont know! I really want a new/additional job, especially for the summertime when I will have all this free time and to do what? Spend money I dont have? Lay out and ruin my body by giving it cancer? I NEED A NEW JOB!!!!!

I'm going to focus more of my time on the gospel and studying the scriptures! I've been looking for happiness in all of the wrong places, aka BOYS! I dont need a guy to make me happy. I, first have to find out who I am and what's best for ME before I let someone take my heart and just break it. So I'm going to rely more on the Lord and have faith that he can heal my broken heart. I've made a goal to read The Book of Mormon by my 22nd birthday. (Yes I know, thats not till December but its still a goal right?)

I'm going to listen to what my family has to say! Especially with dating/relationships, my happiness, and well being. I need to be that example for my family. I need to live up to my name. I've always loved that, 'live up to your name'. Make my ancestors proud of me and my future family proud of me too.

CHANGE IS GOOD!!!! LET'S SEE IF I CAN DO IT!!!!!

The Lesson I Learned This Past Weekend..

Saturday, I went back home to Oak City to ride four wheelers with my friend Jenny! It was a little windy so we didn't get to ride for that long. When we got back I called my sister Jennie and asked if she was going to come up with the kids since it had been 2 weeks since I had seen them. Of course she said yes! I was so happy! They came up and Madelyn was acting like her normal cute self, which always puts a smile on my face. We watched Pinnochio and ate hot dogs. Just a normal night, right? As Jenny and I were leaving, we gave hugs and kisses. Then Madelyn does this thing where she says, "Oh and one more thing!" Then does or says whatever she needs to before she leaves. Ok, so we are walking to the car and she says, "Oh Em, one more thing...!" Then has me lean down so she can whisper a secret in my ear. I didn't understand what she was trying to say so I'm like, "WHAT!?" Then she says the lesson learned out loud so everyone can hear. Here it is, "Em you have to be an example to your friend Jenny!" Now, doesnt that just break your heart!? Ok, well it broke mine!

I haven't been the best example to Jenny or any of my other friends the past few weeks, and it's taken a 3 &1/2 year old to help me realize that and to change my life around so I can be. Madelyn has always been that way though. She knows how to say something that will make me think of what I need to do to change. I don't want her to get big. I dont want her to make mistakes like I have. I love her soo much. She definately is one of God's precious children like we all are but her spirit is definately pure and clean. I love Madelyn!

Honesty Award... Tagged by Jami

Rules for the Honest Scrap award -The honorees are to: A) First list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

1. I am a serious pack rat. I keep every little thing. At one point in time it had a significant meaning to me so I keep it. Old papers, birthday cards, magazines, old bottles, etc.

2. I spend way too much time on Facebook. I know what you are doing, when you are doing it, who you're doing something with, and want to look at pics when you put them on about what you did. I change my status at least 6 times a day because I am constantly doing something different.

3. Pepsi is a serious addiction of mine. I have at least one a day and if I don't have one I am craving to get one. I can definately taste the difference between Pepsi & Coke and will not drink Coke to save my life. (I mean, literally, Pepsi saves my life) I don't even know what I love about it, it's definately NOT healthy for me but I still love it. Wild Cherry all the way! I love Pepsi Twist with Lemon though too but they got rid of it.

4. I usually keep to myself when I am feeling down. I don't like to let others comfort me in my time of pain. I become very anti-social which friends think I am mad at them or something. I'm not mad at you, I just need time to be alone and think.

5. I have this fettish for putting black and brown things together. Don't do it! Ever! The other day I put on a brown shirt and had black fingernails. Instead of changing shirts, I changed my nails. My biggest thing is brown shoes with black pants! Blaah! Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I've always been like this and I don't know why.

6. I am 21 years old and still afraid of the dark. I have to sleep with a nightlight or some sort of light in the room. Also, when I'm walking in the dark, I have to turn on a light or shine my phone to make a little light so I can see where I'm going. I know it sounds pretty crazy but I am afraid of the dark.

7. I have over 100 CD's. Most of them are mixes and have the same songs on them too. If anyone would like to set up a donation fund for money to buy me an I-Pod so I can get rid of some CD's that would be greatly appreciated.

8. I don't care about my appearance as much as I should. I would go to Wal Mart with dirty sweats, not showered yet, no make up, or hair done and I wouldn't care who gave me dirty looks. But when I do get all glammed up, I look really pretty.

9. I have over 15 best friends. These are the people that I do things with on a regular basis and if I had any problems I would go to them. I can't have just ONE best friend because all of my friends are the best. They've all been such great examples to me and been so sweet and nice to me, that I can't have just one. I have some that are more favorited than others but that just means the rest of you need to step it up.

AND... 10. I could never lose my faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Satan could never get me to fall away from what I know to be true. I've seen so many miracles in my life to let go of something so dear to my heart. I have been so blessed to know the truth and would never want to lose the blessings I have now because of what I know.

I tag, Leah, Bobbie, Melissa, Holly, Sarah Dziuk, K-Grenk, & Cassidy! HAVE FUN YA'LL!

Draper Temple Open House/ AMAZING!

Yesterday my ward and I went to the Draper Temple Open House. It was AMAZING! It's been a LONG time since I've been in the temple and being in this one gave me so much peace and comfort. It was really weird because you are just walking through and dont really stop much, so the tour was only about a half hour. But still it was pretty awesome. One of the things I LOVED in it, was the color of the wood. They told us on the bus before we drove up there that it was some sort of cherry wood from Africa. It looked so pretty. Also, as we were going in the celestial room, I closed my eyes and had my friend guide me in the room, and as I did that I opened my eyes and it was sooo awesome. I felt like I was in heaven for a small minute. I could definately feel the Spirit and God's love around me when I was in that room.

I love to see the temple! Going to see this one opened my eyes to know that I do want to get married in the temple and always have those blessings. I couldn't see myself getting married anywhere else but the temple. It was so amazing!!

Everything Happens For A Reason... What That Reason Is, I've Yet To Find Out.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." (Marilyn Monroe)

While looking online I found this quote and instantly loved it and thought I should blog about it! At least share my thoughts!

I also believe everything happens for a reason. I've always thought that way. It all depends on what we do with what happens to us, will determine the outcome. I've had my share of heartbreaks. The one that always sticks out to me that I can't get my mind off is Brandon. You know when your life goes completely wrong, then there is that ONE person that helps make it seem not so bad? Brandon was that person for me. I trusted him. But we changed, both of us. We had to learn to let each other go. I think it was a lot easier for him. I still have yet to let go. One of my favorite lines from a Katy Perry song says, "How do I get better, once I've had the best." I love that because it's so true. I thought I had the best when I had Brandon because I trusted him. But us breaking up is best for both of us. I'm beginning to see that. At first I didn't understand WHY but now I am understanding that there is BETTER than him. I just haven't found him yet. But I'm still looking! ;)

I love in this quote where it says, "eventually learn to trust no one but yourself." I love that and I've noticed it ringing truth in my life. I understand that people are entitled to their own opinions but I trust myself and I'm beginning to realize that people don't ever fully understand what one is going through. No one completely understands what heartache and pain I've had to go through for the last 9 months. No one ever will. I've noticed that if I go to the Lord first with my problems that everything seems to work better and fall into place easier. Instead of going to my friends, and crying about my problems; I'm going to the Lord. He is the only one that KNOWS me more than I know me. He knows what is best for me and wants to make it happen. I just have to let him.

Also in the quote where it says, "sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." That is so true. I'm waiting and looking for that one person who will make all my dreams come true. Who will sweep me off my feet and carry me away and all my cares will just vanish because I have him. But for now, I belong to me. My happiness is what makes me go. What makes me wake up in the morning, wondering what crazy random thing will happen to me and make me a better person because I lived it. I love my life right now. I love being single. I love my friends and my amazing family. I love knowing that I am loved and I don't have to have a box of chocolates or flowers telling me that I am. Because my friends and family tell me everyday. That is what I live for.

Who am I.

Well... the picture said it all.. Emily. But, WHO is Emily? For the last few months, I've been constantly trying to figure out WHO I am. Who I am now and who I can be in the future!

"I am a Child of God and He has sent me here. Has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear. Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do. To live with Him someday."

Isn't that the coolest thing?! I am a Child of God and He has sent me here! We left Him when we came here to earth. He promised us that if we did everything he told us to do; that we could be with Him again. Isn't that so great? But, we forgot what he told us when we got here on earth. So... we, out of instinct, habit, or just because we dont know any better, we mess up! We stray further and further away from the truth, but there is hope! The Atonement was a sacrifice given by Jesus Christ so we could all be saved; no matter what we've done, we can make it back to our Heavenly Father. Now isn't THAT great!? Alot of us, me included have taken the Atonement for granted. Until something so horrible happens, it gives us a wake up call and helps us realize what matters most to us. Ultimately being with my family & Heavenly Father again is what I want the most, so why would I want to do anything to jeopordize that?

Just something to think about!