NOSTALGIA...

nos.tal.gia: noun 

the state of being homesick : HOMESICKNESS

a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition

Lately, I have been having strong feelings of nostalgia. I've been working at the high school and just walking around the halls and into the different classrooms sends me into a spiral of memories. I can't really explain it any more clearly than... I miss high school. 

I've really been missing Bone Voce. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is the advanced choir at Delta High School. My sister was in it and so was I. I LOVED Bone Voce. I especially loved the Christmas Tour. We would leave the school either on a Thursday or a Friday night, and spend the night in Salt Lake City. The next morning we would wake up and go to different places on Temple Square and sing at these locations. It was just so special to be in such a holy place with your really good friends. Sometimes we would go ice skating, go to a mall, check out the sites, or just walk around. I remember one year a group of friends and I went and saw a movie on temple square in between the time when we had to sing. It was just so much fun! I miss singing in a group. I miss being around my friends and singing with them. 

Things were so different back then. We saw each other every single day, talked, and hung out after school all the time. And now... when we see each other in real life, we pretend like we never knew each other. It's so sad really. What happened to these friends that I spent every class period with? Or what happened to me? I shouldn't really blame anyone here, because in all honesty I don't reach my hand out to those friends now. Which I probably should. I say to myself, "If they want to talk to me, they will come and say hi." Then I sit and wait but no one says a word. Was it me? Was I the one that should be the bigger person and say hello to them? Then the moment is gone and past and I sit here blogging my thoughts instead of feeling grateful that I said hello to someone I haven't seen in months-years. 

High School was such a fun time for me. I was always doing something, whether it was in the play, Bone Voce, homework, sporting events, or just hanging out with friends I was busy. Now, I feel like if I go to a sporting event or concert or play alone... people look at me differently. Maybe it's the anxiety or what, but I don't like doing things alone. In high school, I never was alone. If I wanted to go to the game, I would call up so and so and go! Now, if I called the same person who was my companion in these adventures, it wouldn't the same. She'd have to ask her husband, find a babysitter, or be working that night so she couldn't come. In turn I would either go alone and feel completely out of place and awkward OR I just wouldn't go all together. 

Maybe I'm having these nostalgic feelings because I've moved home and I'm seeing younger people doing things and being so busy and happy... and I'm... always at home, here... blogging... about how much I miss the good ole' days. I never had these types of feelings when I lived up north. Why? Well, because I was always busy. I had friends to hang out with, a work schedule that kept me busy, and roomates. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE being home, but I don't love that I'm not as social as I was when I lived at home 5 years ago! I jump at the chance to get out of the house for whatever reason it may be. 

All in all, I miss high school. I miss my friends. I miss the fun. I miss the activities. I miss it all.