I've moved home and haven't really done much. I've been babysitting my sister Jennie's three kids as she has gone back to work. It's been a big learning experience for me but I am loving it. I've definitely learned the value of patience with these kids but I've also learned the meaning of true love. These kids just want to be loved, just like any person in the earth wants to feel like they are loved and cared about. Maybe that's where patience comes in, they want to be loved but they don't listen so it makes you impatient with them which in turn makes you not want to love them, just like any human being. I've learned both lessons from kids who barely know how to read yet. I do love watching Jennie and JD's kids. They are a joy and I'm sure if you asked them who their favorite aunt is they would say Auntie Em. :)
I've also been substituting at the schools in the district in the lunchrooms and as a custodian. I've only worked in the high school lunchroom and been a custodian at the middle and elementary school. I'm grateful that I've only been working in the lunchroom at the high school because my mother works there. It has been so nice to work with her and see how much she loves her job. For most of my life, (that I can remember) my mother has worked in the lunchroom. I don't really blame her though. She worked while we were in school and was home by the time we got home from school. I could still enjoy my mother being home even while she was working. The ladies she works with are amazing women and I know that if I was confused with something or didn't know where something went, they would jump on to help me out. And thats just when I would be working with them, I'm sure that if I needed help with personal things, they would surely give insight on things. They are so much like my mom it is crazy. But I love them all dearly and would consider them all my friends.
I've been cleaning my mom's boss' house as well. Intimidating I know, but it is actually very nice. This woman pays attention to detail so much it's mind boggling. But great with cleaning her home. Everyone likes a clean house and this woman is no exception. I enjoy cleaning her house a lot. I see the finished product and know that I did that. She appreciates it as well. I'm happy to clean her house.
As far as everything else in my life, I'm very confused. I felt like I knew where my life was headed but now I'm not so sure. I know that I never want to go back to the life I was living two years ago. Sneaking around, fooling around, and being played. I thought I had something better to look forward to that I wouldn't have to look anymore and that I would finally be able to settle down with someone, but now I am not so sure. Heck, 2-3 years ago I didn't care about being married and settling down with someone, but as of recently I've wanted to. I'm almost 23 years old, I need something in my life to make it worthwhile. I'm tired of the tears and the wishing and waiting for nothing to happen. I've made far too many mistakes in my lifetime. What if today was my last day? I know that I wouldn't be happy with my life if it was. I'm tired of people not believing in me. Believing that I can do far greater than I've been doing. I know I can do great things and I will do great things. I look back on my life and look at the mistakes I've made and also the changes I've made, and think to myself, "Why do I make mistakes? Why do people make such big mistakes in their lives? There is more heartache in the mistakes, so why do I make mistakes?" There is an answer. We came to this earth knowing we would be tried and tested and that we would make mistakes. We also knew that we could change our mistakes and repent and be made whole again. The Atonement is what makes this all possible. I never understood, like really understood the Atonement of Jesus Christ until a year ago. I am so thankful for the Atonement in my life. Whenever I feel down or depressed or alone, I turn to the Savior and He makes my heavy things seem light. He took the burden from me a long time ago, so that I didn't have to suffer right now. It's amazing what I know and that I know the truth. I am thankful for the true gospel in my life.
Anyways, enough of the sad stories. I don't want all of you to be leaving comments, texting me, Facebooking me, or whatever because this blog post ended on a sour note. My birthday is in less than two weeks and I couldn't be happier! :) YAY!
