Wont Let You...

With that, I've felt like I've been this case that everyone wants to work on and help out. If my life wasn't bad enough I have you on my case wanting to know every detail and then trying to help. What I hate more than someone saying "they completely understand and know what I'm going through" is someone who thinks they can help by controlling what I do and how I live my life. I've gone through all of this before with people trying to control my life so that I do all I can to be how they want me to be so I can fit in with them, and I'm not about to do that all again. Like it or not, I am who I am and don't want to be changed to be like you and don't especially appreciate these trips of guilt I've been put on. I do listen to everything you've said to me and all the advice and your insights on things, but you can't change me. I can't be like you so stop trying to convert me to be like you. I haven't completely given up on myself as much as you think I have. I'm not selling myself short or settling, I'm TRYING! Is that so bad? To try to find out who I am and why I'm here and what I'm doing with my life? Is there something so horrible with that, that you can't grasp or understand? Of course I'm going to have my struggles and heartache but thats something we all go through at one point in our lives. I haven't lost faith in what I believe in, if I did I wouldn't be trying and going to church every Sunday I can. At least I have that. I've lost a lot of things but no one can take away my faith and what I know to be true. Can't you just understand that I need to experience things on my own and make those mistakes for myself? I'm the one doing the action and I will be the one reaping the consequences later on. I've kept this in for so long and I wont let you think you can control me anymore. You DON'T understand what I'm going through, you're not in my shoes so stop pretending to be. Let me find out who I am and then love me for who I am and stop trying to change who I am and what I do. You say you'll love me for whatever decisions I make but when I make the one that YOU don't like I feel like your love only decreases and I become that psychology case. No one wants to feel like they are some sort of "case" to their friends. I want to be myself and have you love me for who I am and what I'm trying to do. I'll figure it out someday. I have the faith that I will and so should you. Quit thinking I'm going to change overnight, this life isn't easy, I'm figuring that out more and more everyday but things only become lighter when I'm myself and doing what I love doing. Is that so wrong? I don't think so.