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Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I don't have a really good social life like I did for the last 3 years. I wonder what has changed over this last year. Like, what has been the main reason why I am not as social as I was last year, two years ago, or even 6 months ago??

Alot has changed over my last year even. Last year I was still trying to get over the fact that Brandon broke my heart so badly last summer. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I didn't think that anyone could or ever would love me as much as Brandon did. He was a nice guy at first. They all were. Things escalated and we got too physical WAY too fast. I felt as if I had to do those physical things with guys to be accepted. I didn't think anyone could love me for my personality, what I believed in, or what I knew. This happened for a good 6 months, not just once but many times. I had more heartbreak in that short amount of time than anyone should. There was a guy who I knew cared about me and I cared about him but he couldn't commit to being in a serious relationship with me. He came over when it was good for him. I was THAT girl. I went dancing with friends one night, met a guy, we made out, and I haven't spoken to him since. I was THAT girl. I met a guy online. We shared many likes and dislikes, went to a movie, and he was my boyfriend that night. He met my best friend and she could tell he was just using me. I was THAT girl. I was always THAT girl, you know the ones who don't do things for them or what THEY want to do but what their guy wants to do.

I see so many girls in our day who are THOSE girls and they are unhappy with where their life is going; just like I was. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and wondered if I could ever be loved again. I mean, truly cared about. Not just he loves me for my butt or tummy or eyes or the way I kiss. But loves me because I am a daughter of God who wants to be married in the temple the right way with the right guy. Because he wants me for who I am on the outside and on the inside. He sees the beauty in my smile and what I want to do with my life. So many girls are being used to be accepted by guys and they think there is no way out. Well, I'm sorry there is a way out.

My way out came in the first part of June. :) I had no idea that it would be like this but I am so in love, more than I have ever been in my entire life. I think it may have all started with losing my job at Babies R Us.

For days and weeks, I sat in my room alone wondering if things were ever going to change. No job, no boyfriend, no money... I thought all was lost. I wrote a blog post in May telling everyone who cared about me that I didn't need them controlling me anymore. I did that for acceptance from ONE guy. One guy who I thought loved me for real. I knew that when i lost my job that things were going to be different and they definately were, with everyone. I never went home because I wasn't going to let my parents control what I was doing. I blew off Jenny numerous times because I knew she would tell me to stop hanging out with this guy. So I would go to him, looking for something but getting nothing. He had been divorced for 2 months so he didn't want to commit to me, he just wanted me there for the action. I was THAT girl. That was the girl who I have grown to hate. I basically told my family and friends to go to hell, and that I didn't care what they had to say, because I was "happy" with my life. Does that sound happy to you? Driving an hour to be played with? With nothing in return? Well, I wasn't. I know that now.

More than ever I wish I could take back some of the things I did and said, but I don't want to take back that experience. I wouldn't have known what a blessing my family and Jenny is. I wouldn't be writing this blog post now telling you that I know now that I AM the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have a man who loves me for who I am on the outside and the inside. I have a man who supports me and is proud of the woman I have become and am becoming. I have a man, even though he is miles and miles away, I know he loves me so much and he tells me alot. I will never go back to being THAT girl. I am now THIS girl and I'm lovin' it! :)

My Past Week.

So this last week at work we got to dress up so I dressed up every day I worked.

Monday-Jack O Lantern
Tuesday- Cowgirl w/ Freckles.

I had Wednesday off and went to Institute that night. We had a great lesson about Effective Communication.
Thursday- Twister

Friday- Baby! :D

Saturday I went Trick O Treating with Jennie and her kids. We went to a few of Jennie friends and family members that lived in Delta then we went up to mom's and trick o treated there. Kolby and Kord were there too. We had a lot of fun going to different houses and saying "Trick O Treat". One of JD's uncles gave out Capri Sun's! The kids sure loved that!

I booked my plane ticket last night so its all official and stuff!!!! I just need the day to come now!!!! HURRY UP JANUARY 4th 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fun Ruiner....

If you follow Chris and I's blog (eeandcv.blogspot.com) then you would already know the news, I got my passport last night!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!! I wish work wasn't in my way cause I would be *IN* Canada right now with my amazing boyfriend!!!!! But I am going on January 4th-January 11th, for sure!!!! I'm pretty excited cause we will be going to the Edmonton Mall and I will get to meet alot of his close friends and his family as well. His dad is really excited to meet me and I am really excited to meet them all as well. Its going to be a really different thing for me because I've never been out of the country first off, and I've never been on an airplane. So I'm freaking out about that but Chris assures me that I will be fine and that I shouldn't be nervous or scared.

I really do love Chris and all that he's done for me. He really is such an example and always knows how to make my day and make me smile. I love him more than anything in this world. He has shown me how to be loyal, kind, and honest to people around me. I've become less tempered having him around. Things have definately changed since I have met him and I know that me meeting him is all for my benefit and the best for me. He is one of my best friends and I tell him everything. He knows me better than I know myself. I am grateful and I thank God all the time for sending him here to be with me, and to stay with me. :) It gives me chills but I know that its true, and I know that the Lord will continue to bless us in all that we do if it is according to his will.

Halloween Week!!!

So next Saturday is Halloween, for the whole week at work we can dress up!!! Pretty cool, right? However I only have one costume (I left all the ones I WAS going to use at mom's), so I'm pretty stretched for time AND money but want to have a different costume the entire week. If anyone has any ideas, could they please let me know ASAP!!! I have to be able to work in it, no masks, and kid appropriate. We cant just wear jeans and call it a costume either, it has to be a legit costume. I work 4 days next week so if you could give me some ideas, that would be awesome. I cant just go to the store and buy 3 other costumes, I could buy something cheap but I dont know. THANKS EVERYONE!!!!!!

(if anyone actually reads my blog anymore....) :(

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the time off on January 4th- January 11th. :) So YAY!!!!! I cannot wait to go!!!! AH!!!!!! I was so happy when I found out I got the time off!!!!! YAY!!!!! :) :) :)

The Latest....

I put in my passport a week ago today!!!! I talked to work and they said I couldn't have time off to go up there as soon as my passport comes (November). So we've decided I would go up after Christmas. :)

But.. even better news, Chris says he is going to come on December 10th and stay until December 29th and WE will go back to Canada TOGETHER! My first time on a plane and I will actually be leaving with him this time!!!! But two weeks after, he will have to say goodbye to me, and see how hard it really is!! As most or ALL of you know, my birthday is December 11, so I get to have my boyfriend here for my birthday AND Christmas!!! I'm so freaking excited!!!! YAY!!!!

This means we will be with each other for a month, straight! Of course, I will be working alot in between those days that he is here but I don't really care. I worked alot when he was here last time, so I will just work my butt off. This is all up in the air still, we still dont know how long I can stay and I haven't really told my parents about the cost of the plane ticket yet, since they will be paying for most of it, which that will be my Christmas present from them to me. :)

YAY! I'll keep ya'll posted if things change!!! :)

Loveya!

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I submitted my passport TODAY!!!!! 3-4 weeks till I'm going to Canada!!!!! If things go the way I'd like them to, I will be leaving November 12th!!!! But as we all know when we make plans, they could all change. But I just felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I submitted my papers. The only thing is it was a little more expensive than I thought. $101.10 which still isn't bad because the passport is good for 10 years!!!!! I can't believe this is all happening so good and will be a lot faster. I've never been on a plane so I am very nervous and scared about that but I know I will do fine. Chris has talked me through the airport thing many times so I kinda know what I'm going to expect. I've been looking at flights and I'm looking at about $500! Not bad!!! Still need to discuss it with my parents though cause I know for a good fact I won't be able to afford to pay the full $500!!! Anyways, I'm just so excited!!!! YAY!!!! I'll keep ya'll posted and updated more!!!! Loveya!

Conference!!!!

Alright! It's that time of year again!!! We just had conference this past weekend and can I just tell you that I loved it? Of course, I didn't pay alot of attention since my ENTIRE family was at my mom's. Yep, all of us. That never usually happens but it was really good to be with my brothers and sisters and their families. And even better Chris was here so I was just a happy little camper all weekend.

In between the Saturday morning session and the Saturday afternoon session, JD, Chris, Matt, Hiett, and I went below town and went shooting clay pigeons. That was really fun. That night while the boys were at the Priesthood session, I did alot of scrapbook pages in my 6x6 book that mom got for me. I actually finished it and may post some of the pics of my favorite pages but we'll see. I dont want this turning into a scrapbooking blog. ;)

Sunday was fun. More conference and more good food. I always love going to my mom's cause I can tell her exactly what I want as far as meals and she can make it for me. It was Bobbie's husband Ryan's birthday that day so we had his favorite food. (chicken strips, dutch oven potatoes, and pot luck salads from the day before) Mom made a yummy mint chocolate cake as well.

Monday was a hard day for me. I had to take Chris back to the airport. :( We both cried alot but we know we will see each other soon. I'm submitting my passport papers in either today or this next week depending on how it goes. I really want to go up to meet his friends and family. I know they can't wait to meet me too.

Just a little update for ya'll. I'm working at Michaels now if you didn't already know. I love it. Things are starting to get stressful with the holidays coming up and not being able to take time off for 2 months but I love that I know I'm going to have a full work week for 2 months. Wednesday nights I am taking an Institute class with my best friend Jenny. We are taking Dating and Courtship and I love it. I'm learning so much more about the church and I am just loving all of it. My amazing boyfriend Chris is still amazing and I still love him more than anything in this world. We are taking the steps and measures we can to be good people and yes, marriage is in our daily talk BUT it is far into the future so dont be getting ready to come to a wedding for me just yet. I have the best friend in the entire world who I love so much. We don't get to hang out as much as I'd like to because our schedules are completely opposite but when we do it is sure fun. We talk/text every day and I dont know what I would do without Jenny in my life right now. She has been such a strength to me and I just love how I can be myself around her and she brings out the best in me. I love my family and its only getting bigger. Tiff and Ryan are going to have their 2nd on TUESDAY! I am so excited for him to come. I bet he will look a lot like Kolby! :D

This is long enough for now but thanks to those who read and follow my blog. I enjoy writing. I just need to update more on a regular basis. But I will. I just need some motivation.

foto's.. <3

My friend Val needed models so I told her Chris and I would so here are some. More on Facebook or you can ask me and I can show them to you as well. They turned out WAY cute!!!!! Thanks again Val!!!!! We love them all!!!!!